Until…

Three weeks ago I embarked on a journey towards inner healing. Before then I had no concept of what that even meant, but what I did know was I had many invisible scars affecting the present. These invisible scars are the wounds that surface in situations when I feel threatened and or fearful. 

When we are hurt on a deep emotional level, many times those memories are too painful to handle so they are buried deep in our souls until something triggers them. 

I am now in the muck of painful memories surfacing that I never knew existed and I still can’t wrap my mind around how we don’t remember things from the past that traumatized us. I am told it is a defense mechanism to protect but what good is that protection if the effects of the trauma still cause us pain? And what’s worse is not knowing where that pain or trigger stems from. 

I have avoided trying to remember due to a fear of knowing. Will knowing cause more emotional damage? Will it change me for better or worse? Those questions haunt me but God is with me and he is my refuge and my strength. He led me here and I choose to let him cut deep into my soul and release every hidden hurt that affects me in negative ways. 

At this moment I am hurt and afraid and all I have holding me together is a promise from a man whom I have never seen that has shown me a love unlike anything I could ever imagine. So I choose to trust Him until. Until I am healed. Until I am free. Until…

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