I have been doing a lot of soul searching over the years and learned a lot about myself and my God. But there is one area that still boggles my mind…FRIENDS. I have several people whom I consider my friend and I think they would say the same. But what I will never understand is why I am the one who always picks up the phone to just say hi or to let them know I care. Friendship is a two way street. If you care about someone and call them your friend, action must follow. Just as faith without action produces no fruit, onesided friendships can’t produce a relationship.
Today if you value your friends, let them know. Because I guarantee that one day they will kick you to the curb if you don’t! This same lesson holds true for dating and married couples!
Since most of us see ourselves as a good friend, here is a true test that will help you see the truth: Of the two of you, who has called to check in with the other out of the last four contacts? If it was equal, you have a good friend! Cherish them! If you realize it was you every time, you value the friendship more than they do. Let them know. They will either step it up or they won’t. Either way, you will determine if you should spend any more time pursuing them. If you now realize it was them that has been reaching out with no effort from you, make it right. If you value them, show them! Apologize for taking them for granted and make a conscious effort to be the friend you expect them to be.
Remember, relationships are a joint effort and they will cease to exist without both parties pursuing one another. Don’t lose a good friend because of lack of effort on your part and don’t keep a friend who is too busy to make time for you.
Yesterday I turned on the radio to hear a new song that caught my attention. It is a beautiful ballad that seems to come from a very broken place of the one telling the story. The lyrics drew me in and I found myself in the story that was being told.
When we are young, we all make choices that seem right from where we are at that moment. Love is no different. We meet someone and jump in heart first, never looking past what we are feeling. Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus not only tells the story of what happens when we choose someone for all the wrong reasons, but it also shows what happens when we make someone other than God our everything. DEATH & DESTRUCTION!
We clawed, we chained, our hearts in vain (this is not love)
We jumped, never asking why (ask questions, dig deep)
We kissed, I fell under your spell (this is why purity is so important)
A love no one could deny (we won’t listen to reason)
I put you high up in the sky (we make someone other than God our God)
And now, you’re not coming down (they in turn think they are the God of us)
It slowly turned, you let me burn (when they don’t get their way, they turn on us)
And now, we’re ashes on the ground (the relationship goes up in flames)
You see, once we take those steps towards something that is not good for us, Satan makes sure we are hooked. He finds that broken part of us and draws us in so deeply that no one could convince us that we are heading down a dangerous path that will only lead to our own demise.
I made those same mistakes. I met a man and made him my everything and we were happy until I started to develop a deeper relationship with God. That is when things started getting very difficult. I was hearing God loud and clear. He was revealing several areas of our lives that were not in sync with Him. So I decided that it was my job to tell my husband (now my ex) where we needed some help. I was the wrecking ball. I shared the truth in love in an attempt to break down the walls and the lies that were tearing us apart, but nothing worked. In the end, I ended up more broken than ever and it was all because of a choice I made that could have been avoided if I had followed God’s will for my life instead of my own.
I came in like a wrecking ball (we attempt to fix the relationship)
I never hit so hard in love (we use whatever tools we have to force change-for some it may be words, for others it may be fists)
All I wanted was to break your walls (we crave open, honest relationships)
All you ever did was wreck me (broken people who haven’t healed from the past only end up hurting each other)
The irony is the writer of the song is so entranced by the spell that he or she still wants the other person. That is when Satan does a victory dance.
Don’t you ever say I just walked away (We want it to be know that we did everything we could to save the relationship)
I will always want/love you (A lie that Satan feeds us to keep us in bondage)
I can’t live a lie, running for my life (The lie becomes our truth)
I have never felt so passionate about anything as much as I do this. If you are dating someone and it is violent or abusive in any way shape or form, get out now. Don’t wait. You cannot change anyone but yourself. Get help and find out why you choose people that hurt you. That is the key to creating a new future for yourself and until you heal from your past, your future will continue to repeat itself. And don’t settle. God’s plan for your life was not for you to settle for second best. Follow his guidelines and the right person will come along in HIS time, not yours. Be patient because I promise you that finding Mr. Right is not only worth the wait, but is way better than settling for Mr. Right Now!!!
Dear God,
Thank you for loving us like no one else. Teach us your ways so that we can end the suffering that we bring upon ourselves because we don’t know any better. Please wrap your arms around each and every person that reads this post and finds themselves in a situation that they need to run from. Give them the courage and the strength to walk away. And most importantly, give us the wisdom to see the truth through the lies in everything we do. Amen.
This is the poem I wrote to the women in my past that betrayed our friendship by sleeping with my husband. This is very raw and it still pains my soul, but there is healing in taking the last step to letting it go. I forgave my ex years ago, but my friends were the hardest to release. Holding on to the pain has held me captive and it has also kept me from letting other women get close. I pray that if you read this and have scars like me, give it all to God and let Him set you free!
He played a game, your heart his pawn.
Betrayed your trust, he led you on.
You always thought somehow you were special,
But that’s never the case when you dance with the devil.
He feeds you lies, consoles your cries,
But day by day a part of you dies.
Little did you know, you weren’t alone.
I too had placed my heart on his throne.
He became my God and I his slave,
which led my soul to an early grave.
For years the one I blamed was you.
How could you betray what I entrusted to you?
I shared my hurts, my fears, my dreams,
And you used that knowledge to fulfill your schemes.
You took what was mine and lied to my face,
but my problem was putting my husband in God’s place.
It has taken me years to break free from these chains,
But with God by my side, I have healed from the pain.
So thank you for opening my eyes to finally see,
And I forgive you because my God forgave me.
Stories have the power to connect and heal hearts. As I share my journey, I pray God uses my words to teach and guide you into His loving arms.
Shannon Vaut 