Anger Do’s & Don’ts

Anger Do’s:

Be Honest: “I am very angry with you right now.”

Be Kind: No name calling, belittling, devaluing allowed.

Be Direct: Useful anger is face to face, not a cowardly blow from behind.

Be Responsible: We own our anger. No one can “make” us angry.

Be Fair: Cruel jokes (in public and private) are off limits.

Be Contained: We don’t get back at others.

Be Controlled: We invite the Holy Spirit to take control of our anger

Be Interactive: Anger is expressed in relationship where it can be talked through.

Be Outward: No under-cover anger is healthy. Anger turned inward hurts us and others.

Be Real: It is dishonest to use our anger to manipulate others.

Anger Don’ts:

Passive Aggressive: Under-cover anger. Anger is presented in subtle ways—forgetfulness, chronic lateness, “accidents.” On the outside you seem pleasant and compliant. On the inside you are resentful. Those who express their anger in this way don’t feel safe or permitted to have anger or express it openly.

Sarcasm: Speech designed to cut and wound. The word “sarcasm” is derived from a Greek word that means “to tear the flesh.” It is another way to express anger indirectly.

Verbal Abuse: Intentionally wounding another with our words. Name calling, belittling, devaluing, and humiliating are examples of verbal abuse.

Blaming: Blaming anger makes other people the problem and deflects personal responsibility. Blaming anger says, “You make me so angry!”

Guerilla Humor: Attacking someone verbally then smiling and saying something like, “Can’t you take a joke?” or “I’m just kidding.” Another indirect way of expressing anger.

Retaliatory Anger: Expressing your anger by getting even with someone who has wounded you–i.e. having an affair to show your spouse what it feels like or spending loads of money shopping because your spouse “owes” you.

Blind Rage: Intense anger usually acted out physically—hitting, smashing, destroying, etc.

Isolation: Withdrawing from relationship with the one who hurt you and/or from others altogether.

Anger as an Excuse: Secretly you want to leave or behave in a particular way, so you find a way to provoke a fight in other to justify your choice.

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2 thoughts on “Anger Do’s & Don’ts”

    1. I think we all have one or two of the don’ts that cause burning anger, but the key is figuring out how to reply in a healthy way creates a positive outcome instead of a negative one. Thank you for sharing!

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