Category Archives: My Journey

Recognizing the Voice of the Enemy

Let me be clear, the Anointed One has set us free–not partially, but completely and wonderfully free! We must always cherish this truth and stubbornly refuse to go back into the bondage of our past. ~Galatians 5:1 (The Passion Translation)

Living in bondage to the enemy is a death sentence. It robs us of our joy, paralyzes us with fear, make us physically and mentally sick and destroys the very thing God came to give us: freedom in Him!

For me, this road to healing has been a very long one. I grew up in an emotionally unstable home which led me right into emotionally abusive relationships. I was young, naive and very broken, searching for someone to fill those broken parts of my soul. I met Jesus for the first time in my early teens and although I was saved and baptized, I was never taught how to have a genuine relationship with Him. So I did what so many of us do when we are broken, I remained a prisoner to a life that was destroying me on the inside. I wish I could tell you that healing came as soon as I recognized the abuse, but that wasn’t my story. Although I was able to walk away from it, the damage had been burnt into every fiber of my being. Then Jesus showed up. Actually He was there all along but it wasn’t until I was removed from the situation that held me captive that I was able to see through the eyes of Christ. He started downloading His truth into my heart through music and His word began to come alive. In that quiet place I found unconditional love and a comfort I had never known. Then the enemy showed up stronger than ever. I didn’t understand what was happening at the time but as I cried out to Jesus He started showing me areas of my heart that were still broken, allowing Satan access. God then taught me how to set healthy boundaries. It wasn’t easy and there were many times I let my guard down, thinking I was finally strong enough and putting myself in harms way all over again. So I began to pray. I prayed for protection and strength to let the lies of the enemy roll off me should he try to penetrate my soul once again.

By now I knew the voice of the enemy. I knew his tactics. He wasn’t clever. He wasn’t unique. Instead he was predictable. He was accusing. He was a lair and a thief. Then he did what he is known to do and I once again found myself physically ill. Within minutes of reading the lies that spew from his mouth, I was sick to my stomach. In that moment I told satan I had had it. No longer would he have access to any part of me. I prayed for God to show me what was happening, then God gave me a new revelation. He revealed that although truth was in my heart, the damage that had been done over a lifetime of abuse triggered post-traumatic stress. I went straight to google and looked up PTSD and discovered that the symptoms I was having were in fact symptoms that come from such abuse. I share this because in order to heal from something, we must be aware of exactly what is happening. I prayed right then and there for God to heal this broken part of my soul and to rewire the triggers in my brain that lead to physical ailments.

I woke up this morning to this promise of God from Lana Vawser: THE ENEMY IS BEING EXPOSED AND TRUTH IS BEING REVEALED!

John 16:13 says this, “But when the truth-giving Spirit comes, he will unveil the reality of every truth within you. He won’t speak on his own, but only what he hears from the Father, and he will reveal prophetically to you what is to come.

God is uncovering the hiding places of the enemy and Jesus is shining the light on those areas and suddenly the enemy is being exposed. The Holy Spirit is bringing significant increase of revelation, clarity and discernment to His people who are positioned in the Word that is uncovering the hidden places of the enemy.

This is just a piece of the promise she shared but God used her vision to reveal that God is on the move and deliverance has come.

If my story hits home and opened your eyes to what has been going on in your own life at the hands of the enemy, I would love to help you on your journey towards freedom and healing.

The Importance of the Secret Place

My journey with Jesus started at the age of fourteen when I made my profession of faith. Although I felt His presence way before I knew what I was sensing, it wasn’t until I met Him in the secret place that everything became crystal clear.

Up until that point, I did everything a good Christian does. I went to church weekly, attended bible studies regularly, prayed when I thought it was necessary to pray, gave back to His kingdom, donated my time to help others, etc, yet something was missing. I didn’t feel connected like one does to their spouse, children and other loved ones. I wanted more. I needed more. I longed for more. So I asked God to show me what was missing.

I walked into a new church and I could feel something I had never felt before. At first I couldn’t put my finger on what was different but whatever it was, it was stirring something deep in my soul. Week after week, God started drawing me deeper through worship. He started to tell me things I had heard in faint whispers before but now those whispers quickly turned to a crying out, creating a flood of emotions in my heart. It was then that I realizedĀ God was using music to draw me closer to Him. Even as a sit here writing this the chorus of Closer is playing in my mind.

Pull me a little closer. Take me a little deeper. I want to know your heart. I want to know your heart. ‘Cause Your love is so much sweeter than anything I’ve tasted. I want to know your heart. I want to know your heart.

I began to set aside time every day to simply bask in His glory through worship. During those moments with my Heavenly Father, He has held me. He has comforted me. He has taught me the importance of spending time in the secret place with Him. Because there I meet Him face to face. There relationship is cultivated and watered and nourished, allowing a deep bond to form. There He shares His heart as I pour out mine through the lyrics of whatever song He was drawn me to in that moment.

I don’t know what it is about music but it has a way of helping me release what my heart is dying to say. Often it also happens to be the very thing God is trying to teach me in that season. I honestly could spend every minute of every day worshiping Him because He always shows up, giving life to areas of my soul that have been silenced by the world.

Your secret place may look very different from mine but no matter how it looks or where it takes place, find it and make time to visit there every single day. The greatest daddy in the world is waiting with His arms open wide to pull you in and build a relationship with you that is unlike anything you have ever or will ever experience on this side of Heaven.

 

Healed from the Spirit of Intimidation

This morning I was awakened at 4:24am with the words, “spirit of fear and intimidation” in my head. As I lay there thinking about what that meant and why God would wake me up at this hour to share it with me, it dawned on me. I shared a piece of my story yesterday where I told what happens when I face abuse after getting healed from that part of my past. I explained the disconnect between my thoughts and how my emotions manifest outwardly. God woke me up to reveal what is really happening in those moments and why I could never find complete healing and freedom.

He showed me through the teaching I shared below that the spirit of intimidation leaves us confused, depressed, hopeless, and causes us to lose our vision. But in Christ we are given a spirit of power, love, and sound mind, creating a boldness to speak truth and demand that spirit to flee in the name of Jesus.

I encourage anyone that has suffered from emotional abuse to watch this sermon. God used it today to break the spirit of intimidation off of my life once and for all and He will do it for you too!

https://youtu.be/Sc6OVn5TBUA

Wonder Woman Come Forth

I want to take a minute to be candid about something I struggle with. I am a victor that was once a victim of abuse. The abuse was mental, emotional and spiritual and it occurred for such a long period of time that it literally changed who I was becoming. I went from being an outgoing, free spirit that loved being around people to an introverted, broken hearted soul that stopped believing that others cared about anyone other than themselves.

A few years ago I was able to get healing and have been slowly returning to the woman that was buried under tons of pain and suffering. But I have learned that although I have healed mentally, when someone attempts to control or manipulate me, I physically still respond as though I am reliving the abuse from the past all over again. In my head I know I am stronger and I don’t have to engage in dialog with the abuser but for a moment I revert back to that broken, beaten down woman I once was.

This occurred today but instead of entertaining the negativity that was spoken over me, I spoke with confidence and strength, denouncing the lies of the enemy that were attempting to destroy me.

I then heard God whisper that there is a Wonder Woman trapped deep inside that is ready to come out and show the world what she is made of. A woman He has been training and strengthening to fight a war worth fighting. A warrior that goes out and heals the broken by sharing her brokenness with others and revealing how He healed those areas. I even turned on the movie and it started at the very scene where she sees the aftermath of what evil has done. The death and destruction were almost too much to bear, but it fuels the fire within, reminding her of her purpose.

I don’t know what road you have walked or where God is leading you, but I do know He is using each and every battle we face to strengthen us for His purpose. We are becoming like Him so we can share Him with the world. So next time someone or something attempts to tear you down or take you out, remember who’s you are, stand tall, put on His armor and tell Satan to get behind you because you have a destiny to fulfill!

Scarred

Suffering

By definition, a scar is a mark left on the skin after a surface injury or wound has healed; a lingering sign of damage or injury resulting from suffering or trauma.

We all have them, some more visible than others. A reminder of something we would rather forget, but have you ever wondered why after the healing has taken place those scars remain? Are they intended to be a reminder to us or to those who come in contact with us, or both? These are questions I have asked myself for years, long after the events have passed and my scars take me back to the pain all over again when something triggers it.

Each traumatic life altering event I survived God left me with a permanent mark on my skin. I have three. They appear on my face and look like moles but flesh colored instead of being darker and more visible. It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that it actually occurred to me that each mark coincided with very traumatic events from my past. I personally think God gave them to me as a reminder that what someone else intended for harm, He is still using for good to grow his kingdom.

But the scars that left the most damage can’t been seen. These are the scars on my soul that steal my joy, threaten my peace, and attempt to destroy everything God has worked so hard to heal in me. Even as a sit here trying to describe the damage that was done, I can’t even put it into words. The pain goes too deep. It is as if saying it out loud will somehow give satan power to use it to hurt me all over again.

If you have been abused physically, emotionally, or spiritually, you can grasp the depth of such pain. You know all too well what it feels like to be living life long after that chapter has been closed, thinking you are healed and to be completely caught off guard by something that takes you right back to the trauma. In that moment all of those fears and insecurities rush over you like a tidal wave, knocking the breath out of you, leaving you thinking there is no hope; thinking this is my reality and I will never be able to conquer these fears.

Romans 8:36-37 states, “Just as it is written and forever remains written, “FOR YOUR SAKE WE ARE PUT TO DEATH ALL DAY LONG; WE ARE REGARDED AS SHEEP FOR THE SLAUGHTER.” Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors and gain an overwhelming victory through Him who loved us [so much that He died for us.]

Conquerors through Christ!
Romans 5:3-4 states, “And not only this, but [with joy] let us exult in our sufferings and rejoice in our hardships, knowing that hardships (distress, pressure, trouble) produce patient endurance, proven character (spiritual maturity); and proven character, hope and confident assurance [of eternal salvation].”

I recently watched a sermon on suffering that changed everything. What if our suffering is the very thing necessary to advance us to the next level of trust in God? What if that very suffering propels us into the very calling God created us for? And what if by sharing the story of our suffering, someone else finds hope in the midst of their pain?

Christ lives in you and me, calling us to be Jesus with skin on to those around us until His return. So my suffering, your suffering, every ounce of pain leads us all right back to where it all started: POINTING BACK TO HIM!

From Loss to Love

songs_of_loss_and_love

Experiencing loss is never easy. The grieving process alone can be torture, leaving one paralyzed in a state of sadness, loneliness, anger, and denial.

Late last year, I experienced the loss of a child by miscarriage. My heart broke into a million pieces as I held my baby, the size of a pea, in the palm of my hands. The days following that loss were filled with a desire to find comfort in the midst of extreme pain. I prayed for comfort and God provided. He led me to a song. A song that healed the hurt and gave me a peace that surpasses all understanding. This particular song blew me away. It was as if I had written it myself. My exact thoughts and feelings bleed out though the lyrics. I was so moved by it that I wanted to know the story behind why it was written. In my search, I found an interview with the woman where she stated that she wasn’t yet ready to share her story. She wanted listeners to have the chance to hear it through their own trials first.

One month after hearing it for the first time, the singer shared the message behind the music. Here is what she said. “I wrote this song in the middle of experiencing everything that comes with a miscarriage, so it was my most raw place that I could have been when this song poured out of me.” God sent me his comfort, his love, and his healing with the words of a song through the voice of someone who went before me.

My suffering today is somebody’s comfort tomorrow.

The Liar & The Coward

 

a-coward-hides.jpg

Most of my life I have been surrounded by individuals that lie. It started when I was a child. I grew up watching people I loved lie in order to get what they wanted. Every time I witnessed someone lying, I knew I never wanted to be one of those people because they were constantly hurting others.

I wasn’t perfect and I can remember very clearly the times I lied to avoid the consequences of my own choices. In the moment it seemed like a good idea but the Holy Spirit would quickly remind me that it was wrong and needed to be made right.

Now, as I reflect on my past, I realize that a long time ago I made the conscious effort to be an honest person. I always felt this was an honorable trait until it dawned on me that I had become a coward.

A few months ago as I was studying God’s word and trying to heal from some of the damages done to my soul by the liars in my life, God revealed to me that when you find a liar you will find someone close to them that is a coward.

Having no clue what he was trying to teach me, I started digging a little deeper. I discovered that a coward is defined as one who is too afraid to do what is right or expected: one who is not brave: one who fears many things. I then went straight to scripture to see what the Bible has to say about cowards.

From the moment I was saved, I knew it was a sin to lie but until God shared this revelation with me, it never dawned on me that being afraid was seen in the same light. Revelation 21:7-8 says, “He who overcomes the world by adhering faithfully to Christ Jesus as Lord and Savior will inherit these things, and I will be His God and he will by My son. But as for the cowards and unbelieving and abominable who are devoid of character and personal integrity and practice or tolerate immorality, and murderers, and sorcerers with intoxicating drugs, and idolaters and occultists who practice and teach false religions, and all the liars who knowingly deceive and twist truth, their part will be in the lake that blazes with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.” As a coward, my fate was the same fate as the liars whom I had spent my life trying to run away from and disassociate myself with.

It then became crystal clear that I spent a huge portion of my life being a coward. I hid behind the lies and deceit, afraid of so many things. What would the liar do to me if I confronted them? Would they convince others that I was actually the one lying in order to take the focus off of themselves? Would they make up lies about me to look superior by comparison? The answer was yes but God says it doesn’t matter. My trust in Him is not based on the actions of others. I trust because He is faithful and He will protect me.

We live in a day and age where the enemy is convincing the multitudes that there is no such thing as absolute truth. It is watered down and leading many down a path of destruction. As Christ followers we are called to speak the truth in love and if we sit back afraid to do so, we are no better than the liars.

God is preparing us for a battle. A battle that can only be won through faith, without fear, and based on truth that can only be found in His word. We can either choose to put on His armor and be brave warriors or sit on the sidelines as a cowards.

Dear God,

Thank you for your wisdom. Please give those of us that struggle with fear the courage to step out in faith, ready to fight the good fight. Give us a sense of peace and lead us to the battlefield if the is your will.

In Your Sweet & Precious Name,

Amen!