Category Archives: Personal Growth

I Choose To Refuse

I have to admit that there are days when insecurities from my past resurface and it quite honestly shocks me. I guess I think because so much time has passed that I should no longer get triggered by anything anymore, but that is not the case. And sometimes I feel that since I have a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father that is so deep, I shouldn’t have those fears anymore. But I do.

They live below the surface, buried so deep that I convince myself they are gone. That is a lie. They are still there and with them lives fear. A fear that is a big fat lie that Satan uses to trip me up. He attempts to imprison me. To take me back to the past where I felt unloved, unwanted, and unworthy of anything and everything God promises to those who love Him.

Today, I choose to refuse. I refuse to listen to the voice of the enemy, for he is a liar. I refuse to believe the lie, for he is the father of all lies. I refuse to let my past invade the present, for God has revealed the truth. He is with me. He loves me unlike anyone has ever loved me. And He will protect me from anything Satan throws my way.

If you find yourself being attacked by the enemy, remember that God is bigger. When He said, “It is finished” he meant it. We don’t have to live as slaves to our hurts or fears. We can choose to REFUSE!!!

Have You Prayed?

Over the past couple of days, I have had several conversations with people about how they are stressed out and can’t seem to find a solution to their problems.

I think God decided to teach me a little lesson so that I could turn around and share that lesson with others.

Yesterday there was something that had been bothering me that I had been trying to fix for months. I had done everything I could think of on my end with no success. When the issue arose again, I decided it was time to call on my prayer warrior. I shared my request and not five minutes later the prayer was answered. I felt so stupid for not praying months ago. I thought it was such a small issue that God didn’t have time to deal with such a request, but He revealed that no prayer is too small and every request is important to Him.

The lesson here is this:

1. We can do nothing apart from God and when we attempt to, we only end up frustrated and worn out.

2. Prayer is powerful! Not only does it save time, it lets God know that we rely on Him for everything.

3. God is ready and waiting to provide for us. We just have to be willing to go to Him and let go of our need to do everything in our own power.

What have you been killing yourself to accomplish? Maybe it is time to hand it over to the One that truly has the power to make miracles happen!

Twelve Audacious Faith Confessions

1. I am fully forgiven and free from all shame and condemnation.
Romans 8:1-2; Ephesians 1:7-8; 1 John 1:9

2. I act in audacious faith to change the world in my generation.
Joshua 10:12-14; John 14:12

3. I have no fear or anxiety; I trust in The Lord with all my heart.
Proverbs 3:5-6; Philippians 4:6-7; 1 Peter 5:7

4. I am able to fulfill the calling God has placed on my life.
Exodus 3:9-12; Psalm 57:2; Colossians 1:24-29

5. I am fully resourced to do everything God has called me to do.
Deuteronomy 8:18; Luke 6:38; Philippians 4:13

6. I have no insecurity, because I see myself the way God sees me.
Genesis 1:26-27; Psalm 139:13-16; Ephesians 5:25-27

7. I am a faithful spouse (if you’re single, you can slip future in there) and a godly parent—our family is blessed.
Deuteronomy 6:6-9; Ephesians 5:22-25; Colossians 3:18-19; 1 Peter 3:1-7

8. I am completely whole—physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Psalm 103:1-5; Matthew 8:16-17; 2 Corinthians 5:17; 1 Peter 2:24

9. I am increasing in influence and favor for the kingdom of God.
Genesis 45:4-8; 1 Samuel 2:26; Acts 2:37-47

10. I am enabled to walk in the sacrificial love of Christ.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17; 1 John 3:16; 4:9-12

11. I have the wisdom of The Lord concerning every decision I make.
2 Chronicles 1:7-12; Proverbs 2:6; Ecclesiastes 2:26; James 1:5

12. I am protected from all harm and evil in Jesus’ name.
Genesis 50:20; Psalm 3:1-3; 2 Thessalonians 3:2-3

These twelve confessions come from, “Sun Stand Still” by Steven Furtick. Like he says in the book, my prayer is that each and every one of us preaches these realities to ourselves on a daily basis until they are so ingrained in our hearts that we are able to silence the voices of the devil immediately upon hearing the lies.

Unmasked

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Behind a mask, your fear resides.
And you carry with you a shield of pride.
They may protect you from the pain,
But they also insure no significant gain.
The very walls you think protect,
Leave you lost and alone in a life of neglect.
Your very soul is dying inside,
So why would you choose to continue to hide?
Remove the mask and walk into the light,
Cause it is there that truth and love collide.
I wrote this poem after the realization that so many of us put on a facade to hide who we really are and what we are struggling with from people around us.
For years I lived in my dream home driving my dream car with three beautiful kids and to outsiders I had the perfect life and everything money could buy. Everyone wanted what we had and we were very good at pretending everything was wonderful. But in reality I was dying a slow painful death. My husband (now my ex-husband) had an addiction to pornography which escalated to full blown affairs before long and I wasn’t allowed to talk about it. I was told that our personal lives were no one else’s business and sharing would be disrespectful to him, which was frowned upon by God. And since I wanted to be the woman God called me to be, I kept silent for a very long time.
So I put on a mask. I wore the mask of joy. I put on a smile and pretended to be so happy with my life. After all, God had blessed us with all the material things we could ever dream of. Who wouldn’t be happy with that? Right? I wore the mask of love. God says that love conquers everything so I loved my spouse with every ounce of love that I had in me, but inside I hated him for putting his insecurities and wants ahead of loving his family and God. I also wore the mask of contentment but deep inside my soul something was missing and as the days passed, my love for life grew weaker. And I wore the mask of fear. Fear of the future. Fear that my prayers would never be answered. Fear that I would never escape the living hell I felt trapped in.
After a decade of hiding and pretending, the truth was brought into the light. I removed my mask of joy and found true joy in God. Psalm 30:11-12 says, “You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!” God met me right where I was and my mask of joy was no longer necessary. Even though my circumstances remained, my new found joy in the Lord allowed me to experience joy no matter what was going on around me.
The mask of love was a little harder to tackle. I can honestly say that I didn’t love my ex the way God called me to love others because he was my enemy. I knew that the bible said to love your enemies but I just couldn’t do it. I truly hated him and there were many days that I wished death upon him so that the pain he caused others would cease to exist. But God was using him to teach me how to love those who persecute you. Letting God love me was the key. Once I gained a true understanding of how much my Heavenly Father loved me, then I was able to give that love away to those who I thought didn’t deserve it. Don’t get me wrong, I still get angry and hurt by the decisions of others but I now choose to respond in love. And on days that I can’t find the strength to do that, I don’t respond at all. Instead I take it to God and lay it at His feet.
It wasn’t until reading, “The Wall Around Your Heart” by Mary DeMuth that I gained a deeper understanding of why I wasn’t content. God created us for relationships. When sin entered the picture, with it came a multitude of disagreements. Those disagreements created strife in a key relationship and without harmony, contentment was very difficult and almost impossible. It wasn’t until I closed that chapter of my life that my contentment returned.
The most difficult mask to remove was the mask of fear. That very fear paralyzed me,  keeping me torn between doing what I knew was right and doing what I was told. If I did what God called me to do, I would cause more problems in my marriage. If I did what my husband wanted, I would go against everything I believed in. But along my journey God was giving me little nuggets of hope by showing me that as long as I was walking with Him there was nothing to fear. He revealed Himself in such a way that I finally let go of all my fears and nailed them to the cross. Letting go allowed me to finally become the woman God created me to be without hiding behind another mask.
If my story resonates with you, know that God is with you. He lives in you as a believer and He will never leave you or forsake you and He will work everything for your good and His glory. Just be patient, cry out to Him when you are at the end of your rope and let His love engulf you during the trials. And never forget that He loves you more than anyone on this earth so don’t put on masks to hide who you really are from the world. He created you for a divine purpose and you cannot fulfill that purpose if you are hiding behind a mask.
Dear God,
Please give each of us the strength and courage to remove our masks so that we can become men and women you can use to further your kingdom. Teach us how to be authentic in such a materialistic culture. Let your love heal our hurts and your truth capture our hearts.
In Your Precious and Holy Name,
Amen.

Call To Christ

My childhood consists of bits and pieces of memories that fade in and out of my mind as I journey though life. My earliest memory of church was one I attended with my parents. We sat on the back row every time we went, which wasn’t very often. Maybe half a dozen times at the most. I recall sitting through what seemed to be hours of hymns that made me very sleepy. I often would lay my head in one of my parent’s laps and I think I slept through the rest because that is all I can remember. So my experience with church was one that put me to sleep. Not a good start towards living a life for God.
When I started middle school, I met lots of new kids that attended Lakepointe Baptist Church. They always talked about how much fun it was and I wanted to go more than anything. But my family owned a pizza restaurant and worked late hours on Saturday evenings, so Sunday mornings were the day they would sleep in. My seventh grade year I spent the night with a friend and finally got the chance to experience what the hype was all about. It was such an awesome experience. It was then that God started stirring something in my heart.
For the next two years I was blessed to have the chance to bum rides from friends and my knowledge of God started to grow. At the end of my Freshman year of high school, I applied for a scholarship to attend church camp. It was approved and that experience changed my life forever. I will never forget the moment God spoke to me. We were singing and the worship leader invited us to accept Christ. My heart was racing and tears were streaming down my face. Time stood still and it was as if my Heavenly Father had stopped everything to share this moment with me.
Everything changed that day. I was suddenly very aware of things in my life that were no longer acceptable if I was going to live the Christian life that I had been called to. So my journey with God began. I continued to attend church and my faith in Christ grew stronger everyday. I even wore a t-shirt everywhere I went saying, “Friends Don’t Let Friends Go to Hell.” I wanted others to experience the love I had received.
Ever since that day that God met me where I was and invited me to have a personal relationship with him, my heart has been leading me to help heal others. Through the years, others have broken my heart, betrayed my trust and taken what wasn’t theirs to take, but God’s voice forever tells me to forgive them because they don’t know what they are doing. They are lost and hurting and they need to feel the love of Christ from people that have no reason to love them. God has always done just that for me and if I am to call myself a Christ follower, it is my duty to do the same.
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Beautiful Collision

As sinners, there come moments in our lives when our sin and God’s truths’ collide. It is in these moments that we have a choice to make.

1. We can ignore it and keep doing what we are doing, learning nothing from the lesson that was just presented to us. This is also those moments when we rationalize our behaviors, trying to convince ourselves that it was someone else’s fault instead of taking responsibility for our own actions and choices.

2. We can make excuses of why now is not a good time to stop, but try to convince God that we are going to when we feel the time is right and we are ready.

3. We can listen and let God teach us, mold us, and change us to be more like him.

I asked my Facebook followers this question: What happens when our sinful nature collides with God’s truth? Here is what some of them said:

-His perfect plan-Jesus bridging the gap between our sin and His perfection, leading us to Christ and filling in the cracks to make us whole.

-Conviction, revelation, and then repentance.

-Freedom & Transformation

-Make the choice to repent, turn away and stop doing whatever it is you are doing.

-Forgiveness-Broken Chains

-Disaster

The last comment caught my attention because I wondered what the person who wrote it was thinking. Is it a disaster in a worldly sense? A disaster to the relationships surrounding them? The more I think about this response, the more I realize that this is probably what most people think when they are trying to decide wether or not a life with Christ is worth it. Honestly, a disaster will take place because death of anything is never easy. Dying to self is one of the hardest things you will ever do, but it is also one of the most rewarding. God didn’t promise it would be easy, but He does promise it will be worth it.

A New Creation

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Once a little boy was playing outdoors and found a fascinating caterpillar. He carefully picked it up and took it home to show his mother. He asked his mother if he could keep it, and she said he could if he would take good care of it.

The little boy got a large jar from his mother and put plants to eat, and a stick to climb on, in the jar. Every day he watched the caterpillar and brought it new plants to eat.

One day the caterpillar climbed up the stick and started acting strangely. The boy worriedly called his mother who came and understood that the caterpillar was creating a cocoon. The mother explained to the boy how the caterpillar was going to go through a metamorphosis and become a butterfly.

The little boy was thrilled to hear about the changes his caterpillar would go through. He watched every day, waiting for the butterfly to emerge. One day it happened, a small hole appeared in the cocoon and the butterfly started to struggle to come out.

At first the boy was excited, but soon he became concerned. The butterfly was struggling so hard to get out! It looked like it couldn’t break free! It looked desperate! It looked like it was making no progress!

The boy was so concerned he decided to help. He ran to get scissors, and then walked back (because he had learned not to run with scissors…). He snipped the cocoon to make the hole bigger and the butterfly quickly emerged!

As the butterfly came out the boy was surprised. It had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly expecting that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to support the swollen body. He knew that in time the body would shrink and the butterfly’s wings would expand.

But neither happened!

The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.

It never was able to fly…

As the boy tried to figure out what had gone wrong his mother took him to talk to a scientist from a local college. He learned that the butterfly was SUPPOSED to struggle. In fact, the butterfly’s struggle to push its way through the tiny opening of the cocoon pushes the fluid out of its body and into its wings. Without the struggle, the butterfly would never, ever fly. The boy’s good intentions hurt the butterfly.

As you go through life, keep in mind that struggling is an important part of any growth experience. In fact, it is the struggle that causes you to develop your ability to fly.

People are a lot like butterflies. We are born and must struggle against the trials of life that surround us in order to allow growth to take place to strengthen our character.  Struggles in life cause us to stretch ourselves and then we emerge as a new creation, more beautiful than before.

Isn’t it time you let God use your pain to transform you into the person He created you to be?

Weeds

This morning I was outside spending some alone time with God worshiping Him through music. As I sat on my patio, I noticed that the weeds were getting a little out of hand so I started pulling them as I continued to worship. I was a little frustrated because just two weeks ago I pulled all the weeds and this morning there were at least twice as many than when I pulled them last time and they were also twice the size. I realized an important lesson. Just like the weeds in my flower bed, the weeds in our lives can seem very insignificant but if left unattended they will eventually take over, affect other areas of our lives and get so big they are hard to get rid of.

What weeds in your life are you watering instead of pulling them out by the root? How could letting them continue to grow affect your life in the future?

The Handiwork of God

A few weeks ago I received a phone call from a friend telling me that the man I dated prior to my husband, the one that I have spoken about that broke my heart, had shared his testimony with his wife at Re-Engage at Lakepointe. After hearing it, I realized for the first time that there aren’t just two sides to every story, there are three. Ours, theirs and Gods. Our stories just go to show that we never know what God is doing in our or the lives of others when he takes things away. His hand is working miracles every single day and we have to trust Him even when we don’t understand. I hope that hearing the other side of this story gives everyone that sees it a glimpse of God’s handiwork. His love is a redeeming love and no matter where you have been, what you have done, or how many times you have screwed up, God’s love wins every single time!

What is Your Strength?

Did you know that hidden within every strength, there lies your weakness? Or you can look at it the other way and within every weakness, discover your strength. When I performed this exercise, I found it to be very eye opening. Read through the list below and write down the numbers to the strengths you think you possess. Be honest with yourself. No one is going to see this but you and the more honest you are, the more you will gain.

1) Creative

2) Organized

3) Dedicated

4) Flexible

5) Enthusiastic

6) Calm

7) Reflective

8) Adventurous

9) Responsible

10) Positive

11) Realistic

12) Assertive

13) Humble

14) Self-Confident

15) Patient

16) Passionate

Now do the same thing with this list:

1) Disorganized

2) Inflexible

3) Stubborn

4) Inconsistent

5) Obnoxious

6) Emotionless

7) Shy

8) Irresponsible

9) Unrealistic

10) Negative

11) Negative

12) Intimidating

13) Weak

14) Arrogant

15) Indecisive

16) Impatient

The first tier of this exercise is to see which ones match up. Look at both lists of numbers and write down only the ones that were the same from both lists. For example, if you wrote down number 9 from both lists, you already know that your strength is being responsible. And you also know that you are boring, your weakness. The thing I love about this exercise is it reveals that sometimes it is okay to have weaknesses. Next time someone tells me I am boring, I will know that with that comes being responsible. And on the flip side, if I am being adventurous, I now know that my weakness at the moment is being irresponsible. This knowledge will help me to step back and make sure I am not doing something stupid in the moment.

The second tier in this lesson is to look back over both lists. Locate the numbers you wrote down and match them up with the correlating strength/weakness. Write the following sentence and fill in the blanks for each number you wrote down. “When I am _______, I am _______.” For example, if you wrote number 7 from the strengths list you would write, “When I am reflective, I am shy.” Or, “When I am shy, I am reflective.” Here is the list of the strengths/weaknesses:

1) Creative — Disorganized

2) Organized — Inflexible

3) Dedicated — Stubborn

4) Flexible — Inconsistant

5) Enthusiastic — Obnoxious

6) Calm — Emotionless

7) Reflective — Shy

8) Adventurous — Irresponsible

9) Responsible — Boring

10) Positive — Unrealistic

11) Realistic — Negative

12) Assertive — Intimidating

13) Humble — Weak

14) Self-Confident — Arrogant

15) Patient — Indecisive

16) Passionate — Impatient

Through analyzing our strengths and weaknesses, we learn more about who we are and why we do the things we do. This can also helps us understand why others do what they do, which can be a tremendous help in the work place as well as in our personal lives.